Sailor Moon: When You Don't Know Your Line Anymore
by WickerB
Summary: PG just to be safe. It isn't really about knowing lines, it's just a parody of the first four seasons (I haven't seen Stars, so I can't do that one). (Finished!)


Sailor Moon: When you don't know your line anymore.

wicker_b

Disclaimer: Think about it, would a millionaire anime owner name themself "wicker_b"?

Point proven.

"Hey! LEAVE THAT CAT ALONE!" Serena chased after the two boys with a 2 by 4. After knocking down the kids, 2 policemen, and 4 window shoppers, she dropped the 2 by 4 and went back to the cat. "Kitty-chan, are you alright?"

"Kitty-chan? Chain isn't my last name. Kitty isn't my name either. I am..." the black cat started.

"AHHH! A DEMON CAT!" Serena kicked Luna (the cat, as you all know) and she ricocheted into a garbage can, a window, a clothesline, a street light, and onto Serena's head, making her really stupid and clumsy.

2 hours later, Serena arrived at school, that is, after hitting a couple sign posts.

"SERENA! YOU'RE LATE! I AM GIVING YOU ETERNAL DETENTION BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND DUMPED ME AGAIN!" yelled Ms. H.

"HOW DARE YOU! MOON...COSMIC...POWER!" Serena transformed, even though she isn't supposed to know she is Sailor Moon yet.

"Wait a second! Serena, the script says you don't get to be Sailor Moon until later when I get attacked for the first out of a million times," said Molly.

"Lemme see that thingie!" said Sailor Moon as she grabbed the script, holding it upside down. "No, it says; noiniM eht sllik dna nooM roliaS otni snrut anereS." (This is the closest to upside down I can get). Nobody knew what she said, so nobody argued. "Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah! HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME DETENTION! MOON...GORGEOUS...MEDITATION!"

Ms H shattered into a zillion pieces.

"But Sailor Moon, you don't get that attack until Sailor Moon Super S," said Amy.

"Oh well! Too late now. Hey, aren't you supposed to come in a couple of episodes later?"

"Yeah, but the story line is so messed up, I might as well be here now."

"Oh. Hey, aren't you supposed to come in later?"

"Didn't I just explain that?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Really? Well, I'm here because the story's messed up anyway. Shouldn't you get Ms H back?"

"Oh, right," said Serena, er, Sailor Moon. "GOKU!"

"Here!" said Goku, popping out of nowhere. "T'sup?"

"I killed Ms H again. We need the dragon balls."

"Again!? Geez Serena! You need an anger management program," said Goku. "And make it quick, I have to kick Frieza's butt in 10."

"Okay." Sailor Moon took the dragon balls and yelled, "DRAGON! GET YOUR SCALY BUTT OVER HERE!"

"The dragon grumbled, came out, and said, "The usual?"

"The usual."

Ms H popped back, and Goku and the dragon disappeared.

"I am really getting sick of King Kai's jokes!"

"Now am I off the hook?"

"Yeah."

"Yay!" Serena de-transformed in front of the whole class, but three minutes later they forgot about it because their memory span is equal to that of a goldfish.

Skipping a few episodes...

"Hey! Why does Tux Boy have to be on our side?!" Zoicite whined.

"Because, if he does we can make him perfect his aim so he can throw his wimpy rose into Sailor Moon's eye. Then, while she's out, we can steal the Silver Crystal and gain control of the world! Mua ha ha ha!" Beryl laughs like a maniac until she starts to cough and choke.

"....." Zoi turns and goes to get Mr Tuxxy. 

"Hold it! Zoi, we have to decide whether you're a girl or a boy before we go further," the director cuts in.

"10 million yen says you're a boy!" Toei bets.

"Oh yeah? 10 million American says you're a girl, plus, you get to come back in anytime you want!" Dic wagers.

"Hmm..." Zoi pondered this while Jeopardy music played in the background. "I pick Dic!" she said after an eternity.

Dic cheered while Toei looks for Serena's 2 by 4 to whack Dic on the head with.

Skipping a couple more episodes...

The Scouts are in Greenland and it's at the part where the Doom & Gloom Girls are tricking them into thinking they are holding their crushes hostage.

"Huh? Darien, why are you hanging on a cross? Are you being persecuted by the Romans or something?" Sailor Moon asked stupidly. Then Raye, I mean, Sailor Mars whacks her on the head with a stick. 

"SERENA! THAT'S NOT DARIEN! THAT'S A CARDBOARD CUT OUT!"

The cardboard cut out falls down and the youma behind it said , "Darn. And I worked so hard to cut the edges straight, too."

"We're the Sailor Scouts!" said Sailor Moon.

"And we're gonna kill you for doing a bad cutting job!" said Sailor Venus.

The youma screeched a pitch so high that only aliens from a planet very far away could stand it. In other words, it was just like all the other SM youma. Sailor Moon killed it, no hassle.

Then they came along to a place where it looked like Lita's crush, Andrew, was hanging on a cross. "Well!" said Lita, "looks like I'm gonna hafta go over there and get killed, er, captured by the youma, I mean, monster, even though I can totally tell it's a trick to get me out of the way." Lita skips over and is 'captured' by the youma/monster.

"Okay! BYE LITA!" the others yell.

"BYE!"

One by one, the scouts merrily skipped to their kidnappers, because they all have toasters for brains, with the exception of Amy, but even she has her moments.

After a whole bunch of scene cuts by Dic...

Sailor Moon is riding in a floating bubble sent by Beryl. "WEEEEEE!!!"

The bubble thing arrived at Beryl's and popped, sending Sailor Moon falling to the ground feet first. "Oh no! My skirt is flipped up!" Her miniskirt was fluttering upward. "Oh well! It tends to happen when you are plummeting to the ground."

She hit the floor after falling 100 feet, but wasn't hurt. "Ain't it cool! I don't even need a parachute for when I jump out of planes!"

"Ha! I have you now!" said Beryl.

"Right. Like you are going to beat me, even though my attacks don't look or sound like real ones and you can shoot beams of anonymous power that make a great light show!"

"No, although that is a good point. But, I have your weakness!"

"Oh no! PLEASE DON'T! YOU CAN'T! IT'S TOO CRUEL!"

"Aha!" A spotlight appears beside Beryl showing Darien as the 'Evil Prince Endymion', kissing her hand.

"Oh, it's only Darien. Phew! You really had me really worried for a minute there."

Beryl realizes that Endymion is kissing her hand, and smacks him clear across the room. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, HENTAI!?!"

Endy does a face fault. "But I thought...that's what you wanted me to do."

"NO! I could never love a man who can't throw a rose! Your angle is all wrong! Don't even make me think about your positioning!" Beryl babbles on about the scientific assets of rose throwing while Sailor Moon and Endy stare blankly. 

Eventually, they get so annoyed that Sailor Moon sneaks up behind Beryl and bashes her on the head with an assortment of wands.

"Ow. Ow! OW! Cut it out!"

"THEN STOP TALKING ABOUT ROSES, OKAY!! AS IF I DON'T GET ENOUGH FROM TUXXIE!"

"Okay fine! I'll start fighting already!"

"Okay!" yelled Sailor Moon. She takes out a wand and tries an attack, but it doesn't work. "Huh?" 

"Hey! That's my wand!" Card Captor Sakura skips in.

"Oh, really? I have so many wands that I get confused sometimes."

"Thanks! I knew it was in either Norway or Greenland!" Sakura skips away, leaving a very confused Beryl. So Sailor Moon just kills- *the sky blackens and Dic looks down upon the narrator with anger* I mean, got rid of! *Sunshine returns* ...of Beryl.

"So, now I'll just leave even though all my friends aren't here and just leave Metallia here to cause trouble in the future because in the dub I don't remember killing her!" Sailor Moon skips off. 

SMR 1st half

"Hey! Don't I know y'all from somewhere?" Serena asked the others.

"Yeah, weren't we all in Greenland and got captured by them monsters while you defeated Beryl?"

"Oh yeah! Hey, don't I know you guys from somewhere?"

"Didn't we die while you went and captured a Clow Card?"

"Isn't that what Sakura does?"

"She was there, wasn't she?"

" Yeah, but I was just returning her wand."

"Oh. You killed Beryl then."

"Exactly. Hey, this feels like deja-vu! I feel like I've had this conversation before!"

"Really? Us too!" Luna and Artemis rolled their eyes.

Skipping episodes because I'm lazy...

" I am MOONLIGHT NIGHT!" said a guy in an Arabian get-up of whom is so obviously Darien. "I am an Arabian slave trader looking for some slaves. You! I'll take you!"

"Me?" said Sailor Mars.

"Yes! You will be perfect!"

"Oh, wow! Being an Arabian slave will be so much fun!"

Mars skips off to be a slave.

"Well, that took care of her," said Sailor Moon.

Further down the timeline...

"Disguising us as students here was a brilliant idea!" said Ann, an alien from an anonymous region in the "Big Black Void".

"Of course it is!" said Alan, the other alien from the "Big Black Void". "Now, what card shall I use to get energy for the Doom Tree?"

"Copy Cat!"

"Huh? Sakura, what are you doing? We thought you left a long time ago!"

"I'm back because I'm sick of people using Clow Ri's idea of battling with magic cards for their own shows!"

"....."

"First Yu-Gi-Oh, then Digimon tamers, and now this!"

"Didn't Sailor Moon come out before Card Captors?"

"I don't CARE!"

Alan and Ann call for their security guard. 'Nuff said.

Skipping...

Serena is in Alan and Ann's apartment. Alan and Ann are in the kitchen, and Serena is looking around. She stumbles (literally) into a room she never saw before. It's all black inside, and is way too big for an apartment room.

"Hey, it looks just like the 'Big Black Void'!"

The only object inside the "room" is a big, dying tree.

"Whoa, if they have any pets I feel sorry for 'em."

She skipped over to the tree. Suddenly, the tree reached out and grabbed her with its branch.

"Oh, a cute bunny rabbit! Just what I always wanted! I will name him George, and hug him, and squeeze him..." the tree said in a big dumb voice (ala Bugs and Daffy).

"Umm, Mr. Tree?" Serena said in a choked voice, "First of all, I'm not a rabbit, even though my Japanese name translates to that, and secondly, who are you and WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"Oh, that's too bad." The tree put down Serena. "I am a special tree that gives life to Alan and Ann if I am happy. But I not happy when they give me energy and all I wants is a bunny-rabbit."

"Well, why don't you tell them that?"

"Because theys mean people to me."

"I'll get you a rabbit."

"Oh! Thanks you. You are my friend now. When we leave, you come and visit, okays?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

Serena buys him a rabbit and he leaves with his "mean peoples". Darien comes back and is no longer that Arabian dude.

"Hey, you're back!"

"Yeah, I had a split personality problem and I saw a psychiatrist and fixed it. At least I got rid of Mars in the process."

"Good for you! At least you didn't lose your memory or die in the process. You have a tendency to do that, don't you?"

"Yeah. Maybe I should get life insurance."

"Then every time you'd come back from the dead, you'd be filthy rich!"

"EXACTLY!"

End of SMR 1st half

Beginning of SMR 1st half

Serena and Darien were sitting on a bench when all of a sudden something evil fell out of the sky...

"AAHHH! WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!?" Serena yelled.

"I am Rini!" said the ultimate brat that fell from the sky. "And I want the Silver Moon Crystal even though I'm not sure you're Sailor Moon or not!" Rini takes out a gun. "NOW!"

"AAAAAHHH!" Serena and Darien screamed, then Serena smacked him.

"WHAT ARE YOU SCREAMING ABOUT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD!"

"Oh yeah!" Darien is no longer afraid. Rini is getting impatient.

"THAT'S IT!" Rini pulls the trigger, and the next thing you know there's a plastic toy dart stuck on Serena's forehead.

"You're threatening me with a toy gun? How pathetic!" Serena is laughing in hysterics and Rini is mad.

"Geez, I'm only seven! You expect me top have access to that kind of weaponry? This is the best I could do!" Rini walks away and threatens everyone she meets with the toy gun to give her the crystal (AN: Honestly! She only saw Serena for a few seconds before she demanded it!) until the police arrest her for disturbing the public.

"BESIDES!" Serena yelled after her, "I DON'T HAVE IT ANYWAY!"

"But, Serena," Darien said, "You do have it! It's in your brooch."

"Oh yeah! Imagine that! I had it all along!"

"Oh boy."

Yada yada yada...

The four sisters, "WE'RE HEALED!"

"Who cares!"

Skipping to last Tuesday's show...Nurse Mina!

Everybody's sick except for Mina and Rini. Mina's doing rounds with all the girls to make them feel better. But she's been doing so for 30 minutes and there are already complaints about her at the Better Business Bureau.

"Here Raye! Eat this! It'll make you feel better!"

Raye takes the apple from Mina and is about to bite into it when Mina asks, "Weren't you supposed to be a slave in Arabia?"

"Yeah, but I'm here for the rest of the series anyway and the author's just way too lazy to write in my comeback." Raye bites into the apple. "Hey, this is the best apple I've ever tasted! It's also the reddest and the shiniest, wait_a_minute, why does this sound familiar?"

"Then you've read that recipe book too! I found a recipe for a 'Tempting Apple of Death' in there!"

"What was the book called?" Raye asked while getting paler by the minute.

"It's called: The Evil Queen's Book of Evil Spells!"

"You IDIOT!" Raye says just before she starts choking violently.

"Why, thank you! If you'll excuse me, I've got to go and give some to Serena!"

After Raye gets her stomach pumped and Mina is stopped (and bombarded) by Serena and Raye fans...

The scouts have finished off all of the people from the Black Moon except for Wiseman.

"AAAAHHH! IT'S THE GUY WITH NO FACE!!" was the unanimous scream from the scouts.

"I have a name! It's WISEMAN!" said, well, Wiseman.

"Where did you come from?" asked Sailor Jupiter.

"The 'Big Black Void'!"

"That helps."

While Wiseman is bickering with Sailor Jupiter over it's name, Sailor Moon sneaks up behind it and pulls off it's cloak to reveal Wiseman's identity...

"AAAAAHHHH! IT'S ZOICITE!" everyone yelled at the same time.

"Well, that was part of the contract. Dic said I could come back in anytime I want!"

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" All the scouts destroy Zoicite for fear of her coming back again.

"Well done, Sailor Scouts!" said Dic, "Unfortunately, we cannot continue the series."

"WHAT!?!?!?"

"Apparently, we are running out of money and are unable to continue the series. Another company may pick it up but you'll have to wait."

"Awww..."

"What can we do in the meantime?" asked Amy.

"Let's play checkers!" said Serena.

"Naw, let's play I SPY!" said Mina.

"Yes! Lets!"

And so, the Sailor Scouts play I Spy for three years.

"Shouldn't we be training?"

"Naw."

SMS

"Hey! We didn't lose our memories again!" yelled Serena.

"Lucky you."

"Shut up, Darien! Besides, you only lose your memory again in the manga of SMR 2nd half!"

"Don't I lose it more after this?"

"Yeah, but don't spoil the story for those who already know."

"This isn't a story! This is a parody! A spoof!"

"WE KNOW!"

After more 30 minute dubs of SM...

"You can't handle the mission," said Sailor Uranus, one of the new "Outer Scouts". "It's too dangerous."

"PLANETIST!" yelled Sailor Venus.

"WHAT?!?" shouted Sailor Neptune.

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Well, there's racists and sexists, so I thought there could be Planetists!"

"Oh, Mina!" sighed Amy in exhaustion.

Ho-hum, deedle-dee-dum...

"COUGH! HACK! COUGH!" Hotaru falls to the floor.

"Oh, geez, Hotaru, you've been to 15 doctors in the past half hour! You'd think you'd be cured by now!" Professor Tomoe leaves to his lab, while the demon in Hotaru wakes up again and starts smashing things.

Professor Tomoe enters his lab, and drinks a green substance in a vile labeled "Hyde formula". When he's finished his face turns black and all you can see is his funky glasses and his mouth, which is in a ridiculously huge grin.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now no one will recognize me!" The Professor laughs like a maniac while Kaolinite and the Witches 5 sweatdrop.

*Insert Episode Skipping Line Here*

"HA! Now that we have the purest heart, we are invincible!" Kaolinite laughed as she sucked Rini's pure heart crystal out.

"Rini has a pure heart? Yeah right! When donkeys say moo!" said Sailor Moon.

Just then a donkey trots up and says moo.

"I SAID WHEN DONKEYS SAY MOO! NOT LLAMAS!" Sailor Moon bops the donkey on the head and it kicks her all the way to five feet from where she was before.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

They've defeated Pharaoh 90 and Mistress 9 and Hotaru has been reborn as a baby and the Professor is good again. The Outer Scouts have left and Rini is going back to the future where she belongs.

In the ruins of the place where the S season villians resided, there is one daimon egg thing left and it hatches. Out crawls a red youma.

"BRRR, it's c-c-cold!" it says as a wind blows by. It spots an oven nearby. "Aha! I can just turn the oven on and warm up! But, I'm kinda hungry, too." It looks around and sees an apple pie on a window sill. "Great! I'll just take it with me into the oven!" So the youma grabs the apple pie and crawls into the oven. Unfortunately, this was the daimon oven, used to fuse the daimon eggs into objects, so now the youma is part of an apple pie. "Oh crud. No wonder they say we're stupid."

By bizarre coincidences, the family that made the pie found it and took it in to have for dessert. Lest to say, the last youma of the S season is now battling gastric juices.

SM Super S

A floating circus thing appeared above the city, but nobody noticed it because all the civilians in the show are either stupid of near-sighted. It's called the Dead Moon Circus and they're from the "Big Black Void". The circus is full of a bunch of freakshows who are their henchmen. They are having a meeting with the scouts today.

"Okay, umm..." Serena started.

"Amazon Trio!" the Amazon Trio said.

"Yeah, you guys, umm, wha'd you call us here for? I mean, we're supposed to be enemies and all..."

"We came to tell you about the youma change."

"Youma change?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the youma of this season are even worse than those of all the previous seasons."

"Wow! I didn't think they could get any stupider or uglier!"

"Well, they did. So, we've decided to replace them with Digimon."

"Them little kilobyte things from that show?"

"Yes, them. We made a contract with em for temporary use of their Digimon."

*Flashback for Amazon Trio* 

"Okay, so, what am I signing up for?" said a certain girl in a pink cowboy hat.

"Haven't you read the contract?"

"Um, I'll try. Wee-hav-coon-scent-too-coon-salt...aw, just get me a pen." The A. Trio gives her a pen and she signs the contract.

Just then Izzy walked up and asked what Mimi (who just signed the contract) was doing.

"Oh, I was just signing a contract for something."

"Let me see that," Izzy said, grabbing the contract, knowing full well that Mimi was an airhead. "We have consent to consult a digidestined for temporary use of...MIMI! YOU JUST GAVE THEM PERMISSION TO USE OUR DIGIMON FOR WHATEVER THEY WANT!"

"Actually, we are going to use them as pawns to use against our enemies."

"MIMI! THEY'RE PRACTICALLY GOING TO BE USED FOR TARGET PRACTISE FOR THEIR ENEMIES!"

"The fashion police?" Mimi guesses.

"How insulting! Our clothes are just fine!" said Fisheye.

"But you're wearing an air mattress."

"Nevermind, We'll round up your digimon now."

"Okay. Bye guys! Have fun!" Mimi shouted after their digimon as they were being carted off.

"Oh, Mimi!"

*End Flashback*

"Yeah! Now we won't have to fight scantily clad human-like aliens!"

"YAY!" everyone yelled.

Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road...

The Amazon Trio/Quartet were looking for Pegasus inside a human's beautiful dream, of which can be viewed in a human's dream mirror (humans in this show seem to have a lot of random objects floating around in their bodies that surgery and autopsy never revealed). So, they go around, sucking mirrors out of people to look for a horse. Insane enough for you? That's only half of it. Rini's the one with the Pegasus in her dream. Even freakier, Pegasus is in love with her! EWWW! But, hey, in truth, he's a human in the form of the horse. Why? Don't ask me. Go to Naoko Takeouchi, she created the entire series.

Anyhoo, Fisheye is sucking out a person's dream mirror.

"Ha ha ha! Now I'll just stick my head in this mirror to see the dream!" Fisheye tries to shove her head in the mirror but only accomplishes a bump on the head. "OW!!"

"You can't stick you head in the mirror," said Sailor Mercury.

"Why not? They were able to do it before..."

"That's because then I didn't use my mini computer to enter logic into this show."

"WHAT?!?!" all of them yelled.

"But this is a cartoon! It's not supposed to have logic!" Venus whined.

"I know, but this way the villians cannot view the dream to look for Pegasus, therefore eliminating their chance of success in their plans."

"Um, cool. But did you enter a lot of logic?" asked Serena.

"No. Only a bit on the villians side."

"But wouldn't that make them smarter?"

"Hey, now I know who you are!" Fisheye said. "The only other person in Tokyo with that ridiculous hairstyle is Serena Tsukino!"

"Amy..." said Serena angrily.

"Um, oops."

I want to make an episode skipping line, but I can't think of one.

Now it's at the part where they're in the final battle with Neherenia. She had kidnapped Darien and brainwashed him to be her King so she could be the Queen of the world. Right now they have her at their feet.

"Why did you try to steal Pegasus?!" Sailor Moon said.

"Because..." Neherenia started to cry, "BECAUSE I WANTED A PONY! WAAAAA!"

"HUH?!?!?"

"When I was...*sniff* a little girl...*sniff* my daddy didn't...*sniff* get me a...*sniff* pony for my...*sniff*...BIRTHDAY! WAAAAAAA!" Neherenia was on the floor bawling now. Sailor Moon looked at the others and made the universal nutcase sign.

"Okay, well then, just go buy one then. You're a queen. You have the money," said Sailor Mercury.

"Oh, why didn't I think of that before?" 

"Because you're an..." before Jupiter could finish, Mercury slaps her hand over her mouth. "mmff mffm."

"We'll just leave now so you can buy your pony."

"BYE!" Neherenia yells after them. Then she goes and buys Mr. Ed, television's favourite talking horse.

"Whee! Isn't this fun, Mr. Ed?" Nehernia shouted gleefully while riding on Mr. Ed.

"Oh yes. Loads of fun."

"Do I hear sarcasm in your voice?"

"Oh, no. No, I'm not being sarcastic, nope, never," Mr. Ed lied.

And so Mr. Ed and Neherenia rode off into the horizon and they lived happily ever after...well, Neherenia did, anyway.

Meanwhile back with the semi-sane Sailor Scouts...

"Well, that looks like the end," said Amy.

"WHAT?!?!"

"The Stars season hasn't been dubbed yet (and probably never will be), so the author can't write about it. Even though she has read the Japanese episode summaries of the series on the Internet, this is a parody of the dub AND Sailor Moon," said Amy.

"But we have to go on! The author has to write a full page everyday in order for her teacher to be satisfied with her work for her journal writing period!" whined Lita.

Suddenly the author gets an idea!

"What's the idea?" asked Lita.

Then Team Rocket shows up because they mistook Lita's voice to be that of the ANNOYING kid off Pokemon.

"Great! Just when I thought I would've gotten away with it! You just HAD to go ahead and make fun of my voice, didn't you!" complained Lita.

"Why, Lita," the author stated, "you think I'd let you get away with such an obvious detail?"

"Well, Serena's new voice makes her sound like she's gargling when she yells!"

"Hey!"

"Well it's true!"

"WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO MEEEE! WAAAA!"

Then James of Team Rocket asks her if she's gargling.

"Gee, thanks," said Serena sarcastically.

"Why thank you," said the author.

"Darien's voice changed four times!"

"Hey! Yeah, well, Rini's voice makes her sound like she's trapped in a jar!"

All of a sudden all the characters of Sailor Moon start insulting each other for no reason, and then they break out into a fight. Then because they were "promoting violence", they were cut off the air.

The End!


End file.
